It was with much trepidation that I ventured to the cinema to watch Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes. I adit that I am a fan of the old Holmes films that feature Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce from the 1940s and heard that this new film is very different in style to those. I also heard that the new Holmes deviated a long way from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original books. It didn’t help matters that Downey had come out a little while ago making comments about Holmes being the Spider-man of the 19th century. Arrrggghhhhh!

So why did I go to see this film? Well I had little choice in the matter. I received some free cinema tickets before Christmas and decided that today was the day that my partner Priscilla and I went to the movies. I wanted to see Fantastic Mr. Fox but she wanted to see Sherlock Holmes. As any couple will tell you, a successful relationship is built upon lots of compromise and deferring to the female partner at all times. This saves on arguments later even if you have to put up with two hours of boredom.

So, did I enjoy the movie? No! This is exactly the type of dumb movie that I detest. It’s one that uses lots of action and special effects but has no logic, heart or soul. Whilst the film was exciting enough to begin with, by the middle it had became so very excruciatingly boring that I began to wish the thing would just finish so I could go home. Holmes, as portrayed by Downey, is a half-wit who occasionally has genius moments. He is madly in love with Dr. Watson and is fretting that Watson wants to have a heterosexual relationship with another girl. Holmes also knows martial arts and is an amateur boxer.

The film is extremely dumb and has lots of fighting, explosions and allusions to the occult. While I am sure that many of today’s brainless action-movie fans would like it, this is a Sherlock Holmes film in name only. There is no mystery or even any of Homes famous deductions, but there is lots of stupidity, goofy jokes and did I mention the explosions and fighting, which are here in abundance. However while it is no crime for a film to be dumb, as there are many stupid action films that I have quite enjoyed, this film was, as I said earlier, very dull and boring, which is the worst crime that any film can commit. There were also quite a few steampunk-esque inventions in the film, and a Bond like supervillain that made everything even sillier.

Hans Zimmers’ musical score should also be singled out for a special mention as it is extremely tedious and highly annoying. Zimmer deserves a punch in the face for his work on this film but I suppose the annoyingness of the score is entirely appropriate for a very annoying film.

The end of the film hints that there may be a sequel and it is for that very reason that I implore people not to watch this shit. The last thing the world needs is more of this rubbish.

I think that of the audience I watched the film with the nicest comment that anyone made was that this Holmes was ‘different’. Note that different does not mean good.

* Just need to highlight the name of Holmes’ producer Dan Lin, who made a few very dim-witted comments about the proposed live action / CGI Tom & Jerry film recently. Just shows how stupid the people are who produce these blockbusters.

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